Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Home for Christmas

Hallie came home Christmas Eve! Thank you so much for your prayers and e-mails of concern for this sweet little niece of mine!

Here's a note from my brother-in-law (also Jeff) and sister Jodi:


Hallie came home today; What a miracle. Jodi and I would like to thank everyone who was praying for little Hallie. It is still hard to believe that she has gone from a future of certain and imminent death to one of health and hope. As I contemplate these past few weeks on the eve of the celebration of God's greatest gift to this world, his son Jesus. I cannot help see in a small way a similarity. God's gift of his son provides, to any one who will accept it, the miracle of eternal life with him in the place of certain death and separation. Like most people in this world, Hallie did not know she was sick. She was born that way. Only after her miracle will she know what a healthy body feels like.


May God bless this special Christmas in your home as he has done in ours. Thank you again for praying for and for coming by to visit Hallie while she was in the hospital.

Jeff and Jodi

Friday, December 21, 2007

Chapter 29 And the Soul Felt Its Worth

Long lay the world
in sin and error pining
'til he appeared
and the soul felt its worth


Placide Cappeau (1808-1877)



Lest we forget, there’s something so profound and beautiful about this soul, such that One would appear and find it worthy. This is not discovered in the lights, the candy, the wrappings; though perhaps some in the goodwill toward men.

Far more stunning is the gesture, the willingness, the absolute absurdity that He would appear at all. And far be it that He would just make an entrance, to chide and counsel, to draw others to some vague light and mysticism. No, he emerged helpless and weak; and even while soft and human, at least two souls in a lowly manger felt their worth. And then another, a lonely shepherd watching his flock by night. Soon, some wise men too, and thus began the process of souls finding significance, multiplying here and there over thirty-three years. But even those were a pittance; those were just the early investment to bolster a public offering, one which would compound with interest: an explosion of mathematical certainty that was worth every moment in-utero, every hammered thumb of carpentry's youth, and most of all, each and every puddle of blood poured out for souls to come.


Yet, despite it all, the world lay in sin, still to this day, and therein lies the error of an ancient poet, for we are once and forever sinners, each of us errors pining to the end, to our death. We must know why He emerged and made good on prophecies of old.
Each and every soul must cry out above these carols and festivities, these tried and true traditions, to find its full value, the high bounty on it; to seek the One who would ransom such rabble.

Shall we realize the payoff now? Shall we cash it in and justly recognize the dividend of each transformed life, of miracles, goodness and grace? Yes, we must, for with each nod of acceptance from the Almighty these souls of ours are sanctified, and they bask in the warmth of His approval; for this, this is why He appeared.

And that is the wonder of Christmas.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

12/19 Update

12/19

Hallie is doing well! Her weight is up and she's been eating a lot, and due to the proper dosage, she's been responding very favorably to her anti-rejection drugs. She's even been getting special treatment from the doctor who invented the drug (how cool is that?). My sister (Jodi) thought they may move her out of intensive care and into a regular room later today.

Your prayers have meant a great deal to Jodi, me and my entire family .. thank you everyone! Please continue lifting up this sweet little girl as you think of her!

Merry Christmas!

Jeff

12/16

Hallie is slowly but surely responding to the anti-rejection medication! Her doctors seem pleased by her progress this past week. Please keep praying as you think of her, and I'll post more updates as I get them. Thank you all for your prayers this week.. they have been so appreciated by everyone!

Jeff

Monday, December 10, 2007

Please Pray for Hallie


UPDATE 12/10

This past week had been very encouraging as Hallie returned to a healthy color and she emerged fairly happy from anesthesia, looking more healthy than she had in a very long time.

Unfortunately, over the weekend, we learned that her little body has started to reject the new liver. They are removing her from all current anti-rejection medications and replacing those with the strongest anti-rejection drugs available. She will undergo a liver biopsy today. Though the liver itself seems healthy and viable and her blood work has been good, her color is yellowing again and the liver counts are dangerously low. They are hoping that these new drugs will reverse the situation. If not, Hallie will be placed first on the nationwide donor list for a liver transplant. This will hopefully provide another liver more quickly, but of course it will require a second major surgery for this 11 pound, 10 month old little girl.

Your prayers are so appreciated, and please pass this link on to others whom you know will pray. We know of a omnipotent Father who is painfully aware of this situation and yet, He still uses our petitions to move mountains.

Thanks everyone,

Jeff

Monday, December 03, 2007

Chapter 28 There's No Other White Like This

I shouldn't wear white to our wedding. This gown should be gray, or ashen. It should be smudged in random places with oily black. Perhaps some color of sin, like scarlet, could be woven in the threads.

Our engagement has been long, and I’ve not been faithful. You know I’ve chosen other lovers. I’ve taunted you, my Groom, and threatened to leave. I’ve flaunted my betrayal in your face while you’ve wept for me. The ring of promise you gave me is tarnished, and the stone, chipped. I’ve taken it off or moved it to another finger more times than I care to remember. Quite often, it just didn’t fit, so I'd replace it with baubles and trinkets.

Of course, over the years, I’ve used your name when it was helpful, to deceive others and advance my cause. I still do, actually. To reveal that I’m betrothed can be quite beneficial, when I want it to be. Especially when those very same others realize who it is I’m going to marry.

You know all of this, but still, you wait, unwavering. My infidelity has been tragic, yet your passion for me has been unrequited. My loyalty has been sporadic, while you remain steadfast.

And here we are, after all of this time. We’ve chosen Christmas for our wedding day. You’ve always said that this age would come to an end, and you were right. The months evolved into generations, and the seasons into epochs. After two thousand years, we’ve come full circle, for this is a time of profound love.

And Love is who you are.

The orchestra has begun and I smell the feast awaiting us. I’m sitting in the back room where I wait nervously, as any bride would. I look down into my lap and I smooth the brilliant white of this silk and satin. There's no other white like this.

You’re not supposed to come and see me, but you do, and you’re smiling. I can’t understand why you haven't given up on me, or why you would want me after all these years; after all I've done.


But yet, somehow, you love me even more, for I am your Church.

~~~

I wake up then, still caught in the grandeur of this expectant dream.

I have matured, and I’ve grown; I've learned from my mistakes. Yes, I know that my eyes still wander. My motives aren’t always pure. I get distracted by unimportant things.

We’ve still a month to go, so I’ve got some time; more time for dreaming and waking. Indeed, I've still some waking up to do.

By Christmas, you'll see. Just you wait and see. I promise that I’ll be Bride you’ve been dreaming of, too.

Update on Hallie

UPDATE 12/3

I'm happy to report that Hallie has a new liver!

In a flurry of activity over the weekend, a 24 year-old woman passed away, and she had designated that all of her organs could be donated. She helped and perhaps saved the life of many people with that sacrifice, Hallie being just one of them.

Hallie is doing well after the surgery and is still under heavy anesthesia. Please pray that everything will go well as her little body heals and as it adapts to this new liver.

Please also pray for the loved ones of the woman who died.

Thank you for your prayers!!

Jeff

Monday, November 19, 2007

Chapter 27 Those Italics are Mine

Yeah, I know you told me to drop everything and follow you.

And so I did.

But when I dropped everything, there was this knee-jerk reaction to pick it all back up, because I couldn't have pieces of my life scattered everywhere, now could I?

Somehow, though, I was able to keep everything in disarray and follow you with abandon, but I still knew you were going to send those people. I hope you didn't watch my eyes. You would have seen I wasn't focused. Wasn't paying very close attention. Too much stuff on the floor. Who could concentrate with all of that clutter?


Fast forward to today and I’m still looking at what I dropped and how I can go and grab it and be busy again, because if I’m busy, I’m safe. Not only am I safe, but in my highly industrious, albeit hectic state, others perceive me as vital and significant, and, therefore, too important. Then, they don’t expect any more from me than I have time to give.

Which is why I'm so good at finding someone else who can help. That's what I do.

It sounds like it’s all about me, my time, and my boundaries, but if everyone would just chalk it up as my spiritual gift, well, then they would understand that I don't have the wherewithal or skill-set to enter into true intimacy with anyone.


Least of all the least of these.

So, I guess what I'm saying is, yeah, I did drop everything, and I did follow you, and that got me here, but you've got to let me straighten things up again. The room must be neat and clean and orderly so that others may enter in, you know, to an uncluttered place so that they can find what it is they’re looking for. And that's you, I hope.


I’m a facilitator. I’m a conduit. Yes, that is my role. I’m a four lane highway of over anxious efficiency, because I have to be, to help you be all that you can be.

I know, you're probably thinking that I’m avoiding something. But, so is everyone else. At the heart of each weakness and each failure is the avoidance of that one thing which, if we faced it, we’d be different and altogether better people. I get it.

That one guy we all know, he avoids responsibility. The woman we're thinking of – sure, we can all see her – she avoids frivolity.


That crazy uncle, the one that every family has, he's off in the corner, his head hung low. He avoids his past.

And the woman in the window or crossing the street, or folding the laundry in the next room, she avoids what the future holds. As best she can.

Some avoid commitment. Or maybe it's confrontation. Others avoid peace. Still others avoid the truth like it’s the plague.

Even as someone might read this, he or she, well, they're trying to figure out what that nagging little thing is that always gets avoided in their own life. Or maybe it’s not so little. Maybe it’s that big gorilla in the room.

But, then with some kind of audacity you say,
“I came with the authority of my Father, and you either dismiss me..”

Gulp.

“…or avoid me.” (John 5:43)

Those italics right there, those are mine. I can just hear you saying it. Like I would ever have the gall to avoid you. Of course I’m not avoiding you. I’m just capitalizing on my strengths.

Yeah, my strengths.

***

And so it was, this past Saturday, that I sat in the Rialto and I conducted intake for our new legal clinic. We’ve started off small, only once a month, but word is starting to get out on the street, simply that our volunteer attorneys are available to listen and help, and it’s all for free.

It was a beautiful sight, really, to witness people in our old porn theater; those seeking refuge in this town, from various African nations, and God knows where else.


Ahem. Sorry. You know where else.

Others came from just down the street. It didn’t matter. They each had a need for justice in their lives, so they showed up.

I had them fill out forms, and I offered them water or coffee or hot chocolate. I made sure they were comfortable as they waited. Waited for those attorneys to help them.

I put together our Christmas trees while they patiently sat there. I made sure I was busy. God forbid I go and sit with them and learn their name and enter in their lives.

And then, dammit, you startled me and I dropped everything all over again because you caught me off guard and you were almost yelling when you said,

“You avoided me!

Those italics are mine.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Chapter 26 Fan this Ember

There is a faint hope worth clinging to; it flickers, against all odds, as a slow burning cinder in an otherwise dark and windowless room.

It can’t be extinguished, not by us. Not by anyone. We know it’s there, in the corner, lighting a small space. Were it not there, death and fear would overtake us.

This hope, this ember, is eternal.

But, still, even while it illuminates the distance, it’s too far; it’s much too far from these tactile, temporary senses of ours. We’re on the other side, allowing our eyes to adjust to the darkness, letting the meager light it gives be all that we need. All that we require.

This hope, such as it is, won’t satisfy like the competing darkness, like momentary folly. In the dark, we’ve learned how to live. I can see an outline of you. You can see an outline of me.

And that’s good enough.

This hope, this goodness – we excuse it because we need it to burn brighter and hotter, and fight for us more tenaciously, white knuckled and impassioned. Otherwise, it’s – well, it’s just there. It's just a little light. Yes, it's a little light of mine, but it's not shining.

Perhaps it can’t be all that we want. Maybe it's not all that it's cracked up to be. Come on, it can’t possibly sustain us and light the path of our scattered thoughts; it can’t brighten our consuming distractions. How could it possibly illuminate our selfish intentions?

Better yet, let's continue to co-exist with these demons, ones who’ve been previously welcomed as some twisted guests of honor. This self of mine is tragic, even criminal at times.


Best you see just a shadow of me.

But maybe, just maybe, if we collectively exhale, we can fan this ember into a flame. Maybe even more than a flame. Could it rage, engulf and consume our wickedness? Could we then see each other for who we really are?

I, for one, would like that, I think.

Yes, this hope must burn brighter. Hotter. It has to, because I need to know that someday, I won’t be selfish anymore.

And you won’t use such harsh words.

I won’t lose my temper.

And you won’t be critical of my dreams.

I won’t withhold love.

And you won’t manipulate me.

I won’t sneak away and keep harmful secrets.

You won’t judge me if I finally share those secrets.

I won’t look for a quick fix.

You won’t pretend that you know it all.

Together we won’t seek out coping devices to disguise our insecurities, our fears, our inadequacies.

This all makes sense!

Yes, this hope must burn with an intensity, such that shadows can’t creep in. Look at me full and exposed, and let me see you too!

This is a hope worth clinging to.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Update on Hallie

UPDATE 10/10

Not much to report, other than Hallie is stable at home and enjoying the company of her family. Family members have been tested, and she remains #1 on the donor transplant list for the entire state of NY! That gives her doctors the luxury of being highly selective with regard to the liver they pick.

So, we wait.

Thank you so much for your prayers, and even now, I know everyone could use a few more! Pray that God would see fit to provide the perfect liver for this sweet little girl, however that may come about.

Blessings!

Jeff

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

I may be wayyy behind on this, so forgive me if you've already seen this clip.

For the record, I'm a typical guy. Not too many tears comin' out of me unless I hit my thumb with a hammer.


But, dammit all, if this didn't make me cry like a baby.

I dare you to keep a dry eye during this:


Paul Potts

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Chapter 6, 7 & 8

are up!

OK, so maybe I STILL feel like a dork telling you when chapters are up, but if you want to stop by and read about Sentry's continuing adventures, I've made it through Chapter 8.

And, who knows, when you encounter yet ANOTHER construction zone in your town, you may just wonder .. what's really caused these roads to need repair?

Your comments thus far and interest in the plot have been most rewarding and encouraging :-)

Thank you!

Jeff

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Sentry Merged Left, Chapter 3

is up!

For those of you reading.. thank you! Your comments have been most kind and encouraging :-)

Thursday, September 13, 2007

This Very Cool Couple

Wow.. Some of you are going to be sooo jealous because I got to have lunch yesterday with none other than Becky Kenealy (and her awesome husband Dan). Becky is just as warm and genuine and kind as you'd imagine from reading her blog, and it was a true pleasure to spend some time with this very cool couple. Thank you Becky and Dan for taking the time to swing by Fort Wayne on your multi-state motorcycle ride!

Also, have a quick clarifying prayer request. You saw in my recent whiny post that publishing efforts are fraught with various forms of torture at every turn, not the least of which is waiting and then, well, rejection. You can't sugar coat it -- it just is what it is. My problem is that I don't turn the whole thing over to prayer and let it go like I should. I hold onto the good the bad and the ugly of the process like grim death.


I'm a little thick headed that way.

With that said, below are the publishing houses that have rejected it, and the others (in red) still remain as possibilities, though Steve Laube (that agent o' mine) considers them more in the "distant" possibility category. The landing of an agent was a very good thing, but this good thing won't last forever.


Essentially, if these don't work out, I'm back to marketing it on my own.

So, distant or not, I'm pretty sure that God is capable of the type of miracle necessary to turn it around. Yes, it be true.. anything is possible through Him. Can I get an amen?


Any and all prayers would truly be appreciated!!



In the "still possible" category:

Zondervan
Revell
FaithWords/Hachette
Berkley/Penguin
Howard/Simon & Schuster

NavPress
IVP




Rejected (how could they?)


Moody
Jossey-Bass

Waterbrook/Random House
Thomas Nelson

Cook Communications
Regal Books
Broadman

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Reviewing Sentry Merged Left

You've probably noticed that I've been veering from my usual stuff and writing more fiction than usual, which is really what I love to do.

Anyhow, I'm trying to write a story that's been floating around in my head for a while, and it all started with my oldest son pointing to a construction sign that pointed us to merge lanes, but there was no construction afterward.

Nothing, for miles.


Anyhow, after numerous false starts with my writing over the years, I started blogging in 2004, and if it wasn't for this process I never would have finished anything, let alone the book that is floating to my right in the sidebar.

So, all of that to say, it's much more fun to have you with me during the process as I tackle this particular story.


I was wondering if you'd be so kind as to read it and give me your feedback? I hope to post at least one chapter a week until it is finished as an entire book, but it will be on a different blog, which I'll point you to for Chapter 2.

Throughout the process it will be officially cleaned up by an awesome editor (yes, that means you, Leslie) and into a book proposal, then to the very cool agent who is representing me for the other rabble I've written (though he tells me he doesn't handle this kind of material, so we'll just have to change his mind about that).

This would of course make you, my beloved five or six readers, front seat to a process which, start to finish, has about 98% chance of crashing and burning.

But it's fun nonetheless.

(If you can't tell, I'm only a little bit cynical about the publishing process, and this is because out of fifteen publishers that said very cool agent has submitted So I Go Now to -- now called A Carpenter at the Rialto -- I've received six rejections, albeit very nice ones. Six down, nine to go, so maybe you could lift up a prayer. )

(i'm waiting)

Thank you!! Oh, and by the way, the waiting game while trying to get a book published is excruciating. I think it should be a new form of torture.

Alright already, enough of my whining.

Chapter 1, below!

thanks..

Jeff

Sentry Merged Left ~ Chapter 1

Not too long ago, on a muggy Thursday evening in late August, sixteen-year-old Sentry set out upon a bicycle ride.

It was a ride that would soon change the course of his young life.

Now before this ride, Sentry would describe being sixteen as awful and awkward and full of various injustices. Nothing was ever fair and he was indeed a victim, receiving daily doses of horrific and undeserved treatment from someone in authority over him.

To begin with, Sentry endured no end of torment due to his rather unusual first name. For this, he blamed his parents. Who would do such a thing?

In fact, Sentry was often asked if his was a family name, to which he always responded, “It is now.”

Still, despite the idiocy of their choice in giving him such a ridiculous name, weathering that abuse had become mostly tolerable, especially when compared to something of more pressing concern. Something far more humiliating.

You see, Sentry (being properly and legally licensed to drive a car since early spring) was unduly forced, for the entirety of the summer, to rely not upon a motor vehicle, but instead upon the aforementioned bicycle as his main form of transportation.

Making matters worse – much, much worse – was that Sentry's friends (nearly all of them) were rich. And they each drove around in their very own cars as if it was natural and normal and expected. Sentry's parents would not extend the same courtesy, though, and used the convenient excuse of not having enough money for such luxuries, as if that would somehow pacify their son.

Additionally, they did not think it wise that he should borrow one of their cars, unless of course, they were also present as passengers. This was utterly unacceptable to Sentry, who felt this to be harassment, and yet another cruel feature of their ongoing persecution.

Other tales of woe could certainly be shared, but suffice it to say, the ride Sentry would take on this muggy night was indeed on a bicycle, and it was obviously a quite necessary ride to clear his awkward, tormented, abused, harassed and altogether persecuted sixteen-year-old head.

And it was on this sad form of transportation that Sentry turned westward, as he had on many occasions over the summer, away from his home and quickly on toward the last shadings of daylight. The breeze cooled him as he picked up speed and veered onto a hilly and bendy country road bordering thick woods to the south – woods which came alive with the sounds of the night and always seemed to usher in the darkness a little earlier than the rest of his town.

The sharp turns in the road concealed the potential of traffic in either direction, so he paid close attention to what was coming over each rise and around each bend. Having no lights on his bike, Sentry presumed correctly that his reflectors would be of little use, especially if a passing driver couldn't see him until the last minute.

Still, for an otherwise well-traveled road, it seemed as if he was all alone, and had been for quite some time. It felt right and good, however, for Sentry was the oldest of four children and because of this, he was rarely alone, but for these evening rides.

The sounds of the forest were nearing a fevered pitch and up ahead, there was a short flat stretch in the road. Sentry took a brief opportunity to take his hands off the handlebars and look up at the dim August moon, all the while marveling at his ability to balance.

The next hill approached more suddenly than anticipated, so he quickly regained control of his bike.

For the first time that night, there was light up ahead; yet it was pale and blinking in the creeping dusk – not the ever-intensifying white brightness of headlights.

As he cleared the crest of the hill, he discovered the source of it: a big, yellow road construction sign with an arrow pointing south, toward the woods. It demanded action, to merge left, for it signaled construction that was underway immediately, or very soon afterward.

So, Sentry merged left, even on his bike.

As he passed by, there was a clicking sound that became noticeable; the bulbs switching on and off. He rode further, just beyond the arrow, but there was nothing to suggest the reason for the sign. No construction, no torn up road. No barrels. No work crew.

He continued up over the next hill and down the road a bit.

Still nothing.

So, Sentry circled back to the solitary arrow pointing south, blinking, and clicking with silence in between. The air felt stifling to him and he was more alone than ever now, on the border of the woods, an ever darkening scene around him.

The night creatures and insects stopped chirping, their concert over for the moment. He should have turned around and returned home, but instead he laid his bike down on the ground, on the side of the road, behind the big sign, its construction arrow illuminating his surroundings as if on cue.

Blinking, clicking. Blinking, clicking.

And right about then, a whimper was heard, and a girl quite familiar to Sentry emerged from the woods, pale and panting, her dress torn.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

More Prayer Needed for Hallie

UPDATE 10/10

Not much to report, other than Hallie is stable at home and enjoying the company of her family. Family members have been tested, and she remains #1 on the donor transplant list for the entire state of NY! That gives her doctors the luxury of being highly selective with regard to the liver they pick.

So, we wait.

Thank you so much for your prayers, and even now, I know everyone could use a few more! Pray that God would see fit to provide the perfect liver for this sweet little girl, however that may come about.

Blessings!

Jeff


UPDATE 9/4

I was with Hallie over the Labor Day weekend and she's just as sweet as she looks in this picture! Unfortunately, she has a lot of lines running into her for medication and the inevitability of her upcoming surgery, but she remains a trooper even at her young age. Thank you for your prayers; the entire family could use them as they navigate through this difficult season. A donor could surface at any time (unfortunately through someone else's misfortune) or my sister could be the proper match, leading to a transplant surgery in the upcoming weeks.

UPDATE 8/21
Keep praying everyone! Hallie is stable (and still smiling) but everyone is playing the waiting game for a donor. We don't have a firm date on a surgery, but it could take place at any time if the donor is a match. Jodi is being tested all of this week to see if her liver could work, and if so, the surgery would take place in mid-September. NY has a two week waiting period for donors to change their mind, even if it involves the parents.


Thanks to everyone for your e-mails and your ongoing prayers :-)

UPDATE 8/15

Well, friends.. need to ask for more prayer! Hallie needs a liver transplant. Her father (Jeff) was tested and the surgery was all set for 8/21, except they've now determined the match will not work, and they've cancelled it. She's been moved to the top of the transfer list where they live in Rochester, and her mother (my sister ~ Jodi) is now being tested as well. Please offer up prayer on Hallie's behalf, as well as for Jeff, Jodi and family.

UPDATE (5/7):

She's home!!

She's on quite a few medications to ward off infection, and needs to keep weight on, but hopefully all will remain calm in this sweet little girl's road to recovery.

Once again, I thank you all for your prayers.
Blessings to you and yours..

Jeff

UPDATE (5/1):

Hallie is out of the ICU and is currently in the pediatric ward. The intricate pattern of tubes and IV's are starting to fall away one by one.
Hopefully my next update will be that Hallie is at home with her family!

Biliary Atresia isn't something that can be completely healed, but the surgery she just endured will allow her to lead a mostly normal life. A liver transplant may be necessary in the years ahead.

I'm so grateful for all of you and the time you're taking to pray for this sweet little girl. Thank you!!

UPDATE (4/27):

Each day is better for Hallie! Her temperature is holding steady, kidney function is still good, and she's quietly recovering from her surgeries. She's been opening her eyes from time to time and the Dr.s hope to get her off the ventilator over the weekend.

The power of prayer is undeniable. Thank you for the part you've played (and will hopefully still play) in her ongoing recovery!

UPDATE (4/24):

Thank you SO much for your prayers and your encouraging e-mails. Currently, Hallie is stable. They've been able to get her kidney function under control and her fever has broken, which the doctors were pleased with. She's not out of the woods yet, and so much seems to change at any given moment, so I'd appreciate your ongoing prayers! ~ Jeff

Hey everyone ~

Could you lift up a prayer for my niece Hallie? She's 2 months old and was born with a condition called Biliary Atresia. She needed surgery last week to repair the bile ducts in her liver, and since that time she's needed a second surgery to repair an intestinal kink. I received a call this morning that she's not doing well at all .. kidney function is not where it needs to be.

Any prayers you can offer on Hallie's behalf, as well as my sister Jodi, brother-in-law Jeff and family would be much appreciated.


Please also pass this on to others that you know will pray. I will post updates as I get them.

Blessings, and thanks ~

Jeff

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Chapter 25 Try and Love One Another Right Now

Come on people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try and love one another right now.

The Youngbloods




It really isn't necessary for you to dig out any of those flower-power songs from the sixties. Just look around you. What's old is new again.

Love is making a comeback.

You gotta admit, though -- in Christendom, we had a pretty good run without it.

We ignored it.

We hushed it away.


We put conditions upon it or saved it for special occasions.


We released it in small portions when the timing was right (and when others were looking).

When they weren't, we gave love a back seat during our debate and our discourse.

We sent it off to foreign lands.

Ultimately, we buried it.

But love would not be denied. In fact, never designed to play second fiddle, it was marking its return while we were still underestimating it, assuming it to be some fickle and quirky emotion.

Not even close.


You see, if we take the Word at his word, then it's pretty clear that Love itself hovered over the waters even before the world began. The Word, being marked by Love, was with God, and through the Word, all things were made. In the very beginning, Love was present.

Love was the grand Designer of it all.

And true to form, at just the right time, the Word became Jesus, at Christmastime to be exact; a cosmic shrinking of an all powerful Creator into a mere human: a carpenter (so he could still make things with his hands).
He was a man, but only because he allowed himself to be; not on some whim, some lost bet, but because he knew he must overcome all challengers. Love needed a comeback and so he delivered himself; for someone such as me, and someone such as you. For humanity as a whole.

The Word, because of Love, got out.

It makes no sense, but who could make this up? There he was, Love come down, walking this earth, a supreme Power in everyday skin, knowing full well that the sand between his toes, the stones of the Temple, the fig upon the tree, the beak of the bird, the sun, moon and stars, all came into being because of him.

And through him.


We know he was here -- the history books tell us that. But we also know that history repeats itself, because back then, too, they did their best to push Love down.

They hushed him away.

They put conditions upon him (they had also enjoyed a good run without him).

Then, they buried him.

Yet, here’s the thing about Love: because of him, the forces of hate never had a chance. Death had finally met its match.

But it wasn't easy. This was not a light-at-the-end-of the-tunnel return from death where a man lay helpless on a hospital table and for a minute or even an hour he teeters between waking and sleeping until a doctor shocks him back into reality with enough memory intact to weave his tale of the afterlife.

No, this man beat death after being beaten himself, this very Love pierced and brutalized into submission. No one took out the paddles, nurses sourrounding, waiting for a charge that would save his life. He was deserted in a tomb to go the path of all other bodies before him.

He was ignored and sent away, and for three days he fought the battle on his own.


But you know what? Love won. He brought himself back to life. He delivered his comeback and he lives; then, now, and evermore.

Love will not be denied.


Well of course! This all makes sense because Love created and still sustains all life in its own image. Love persevered, and once again, it's making a comeback.

We were designed to love. What's old is new again.

So, come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody get together ..


Sing it with me:

Try and love one another right now.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Chapter 24 Almost Identical to the Big Dipper, Part 7

I watched as silver-tinted clouds stretched like fingers across the night sky. Partially obscured, the moon fought back, proud and resilient, reflecting its light for a few remaining moments. Soon it relented, as more oppressive clusters formed and banished its efforts to the dark.

It grew cold then and thunder claps began to echo, growling like twins in the east and west, mimicking and overlapping upon themselves.


A mist began to settle on my eyelashes and the wide leaves above me started to wither; for the night, or maybe they were banished too? I rummaged around and found an old jacket in my car and with it I made a pillow. I curled up in a fetal position to ward off the chill in the air, and seven stars, albeit freckles on my inner knee, formed a drinking gourd with a ladle tip pointing right down a dark road off the parking lot—one with no street lights, made even darker as the storm approached.

Still, with the ominous shift in my surroundings, I felt at peace. I think mostly because the space bridging what had begun in this parking lot vigil, and what would soon be my present moment— both begged for a sort of enlightenment, an awakening that would somehow tie this and that together, and everything else in between.

And with those extra Coronas (which I had to drink, due in no small part to my non-consenting, non-Jesus characters), sleep came easy. As I began to drift, I wasn't worried about time, assuming the storm would soon startle and awaken me. Surely, though, sleep itself was a portal back to reality, some double negative to render the opposite, for I had a hunch, and maybe you do too, that this was all a dream and at any moment my best friend and lover and wife (all wrapped up in one person) would finally emerge and she’d wake me and laugh—you know, at me—for somehow finding sleep during the five minutes she ran into the store.

But reality would need to wait a little longer, for the storm I anticipated actually heralded a calm, and right then and there I knew I was in the center of it.

People from all over my town emerged from their homes, baskets in hand, smiling as they prepared for some midnight eye-of-the-storm feast. Men set up huge tables and women fluffed tablecloths in the wind; all culture and color and creed mixed together and discriminating lines dividing this one and that were removed. Loaves of bread were surrounded by a cornucopia of vegetables and fruits, cheeses and meats. Wine flowed and the remaining Coronas multiplied and were placed in tin buckets of ice, with large, luscious limes sliced in wooden bowls all around.

Children gathered instruments from what they could find and they formed a band and started to play. Dancing began soon thereafter, and women with long skirts and flushed cheeks twirled, their suitors strong and proud. A warm summer breeze replaced the misty chill of the night; and the tree with the narrow branches and wide leaves found new life, banished no more.

Right before me, the paralyzed stood up from their wheelchairs and shadowed corners, jumping in with the dancers. The blind dropped their canes and stared in amazement at their hands, their feet, their neighbors. The hungry sidled up to the tables and ate with abandon. The homeless joined together and jingled keys to their mansions; their laughter contagious.

The last were first at this party.

The smart ass from the store ran out and she embraced me, thanking me for my honesty, and reminding me that even the smallest acts of kindness can create quite a stir, pointing to the celebration all around.

After a few hours of this, something most unusual happened. I saw three figures walking toward me, their faces shadowed (though I'm certain they were the ones who looked, sounded and even smelled like Jesus to me). They walked through the crowds, past me and to the west, and they bowed down in worship, yielding in unison to the one true Christ in the distance, encouraging me to do the same.

So, I looked in that direction, down the dark road with no street lights and there was the source of thunder. It was him, and soon it made sense: he was the fourth all along, and a party like this had to be of his doing. He'd been planning it for a long time. A really long time.

I'm not sure if we'll ever share a Corona together, but people often ask me what it was I saw coming toward me on the brink of that dawn. I tell them:

"I saw him riding in on a Harley, the Jesus of my day. His hair was long and wild from the wind and it looked like he'd been on the road for a while. But his eyes were still bright, and he smiled when he saw me. I guess he traveled light, because his saddlebags were mostly empty.

In a cloud of dirt and dust he called me over. I wasn't sure what to do, but I was drawn to him so I went. As I got closer, he put his hand on my shoulder and he promised me a great adventure. I believed him, but I asked him to wait. I needed to take care of a few things because my plate was full.

When he heard that, his strong hand grabbed hold of the clutch and he raced the engine. He told me that now was the time.

And it felt like a dream and maybe it was, but I dropped it all on the ground—everything— because I wanted to die to the details.

Then I got on the back of his Harley and we rode."




The End



(or maybe, The Beginning)



*******



I really do have a series of freckles on the inside of my left knee which are almost identical to the Big Dipper. That part was real.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Chapter 23 Almost Identical to the Big Dipper, Part 6

As I waited for a third visitor, a bright moon hovered over me and became my steady companion. And as you know by now, I was also joined by two other companions, those being the extra Coronas which had not been consumed by two individuals: one, who had previously looked like Jesus to me; and the other, who sounded just as I thought he should.

So, in the wake of their dismissal, I guess you could say I drank their beers. It was all part of a closure ritual for me.

I'm sure you understand.

Anyhow, the minutes started overlapping into hours and pretty soon I had lost track of time altogether. I began drifting in and out of what I assumed was a conscious, waking moment.

(I mean, how could it NOT be if it started with these freckles? You know, the very ones on the inside of my left knee? The ones that are almost identical to the Big Dipper?)

I shut my eyes and within seconds there was a subtle scent wafting, and it was noticeable even above the pungent stench of empty beer bottles. It was the most unusual of odors, yet as the wind whipped up once more, it became overwhelming. It emerged as oddly familiar: some combination of damp stone, incense and smoke, mixed in with musty carpeting, oil and red oak; dusty books, crumbling binders.

And stale coffee.


Soon, he was in front of me—the source of it all—and he embodied some solemn memory of that which is quiet and still. His eyes were kind, yet stern; sleepy yet serious.

Intuitively I knew I shouldn’t move or crack or giggle. And you shouldn’t either, because then I’ll never be able to stop.

Four beers into this, I get it: I’m being tested. Jesus reduced to sight, sound and smell.


True to other smells, my senses were overcome and they returned me to the place where Jesus lived, right exactly where I was required to go each week, to know him and be delivered; to let light out from under my bushel and learn what it meant to be good. Adults with starched collars and coffee on their breath surrounded me as they made their olfactory contributions (perhaps unknowingly) to memories; to aromatic bombardments of the iconic sort.

And all that filled my nostrils left some indelible imprint, these sensory trappings of wood and brick, of Jesus contained.

I counted down the minutes and finally it was over and I could move. I could squirm and run and stretch. I could approach him, shake his hand and smile. The cloth of his robe, the very fabric held firmly each scent: a bouquet of church.

But I was hushed and hurried along, for this was a very busy man tending to a desperately needy flock.

As he released my hand, I opened my eyes and I was an adult, and he was next to me, under that tree with narrow branches and wide leaves. He smelled like every bit of Jesus, pieces and parcels from years gone by. Yet I knew, I just knew for all of his good intentions—now and throughout the years—he wasn’t the One.


He withdrew in a hurry, for the warm smells of a pot luck summoned from the basement, and only he could say the blessing.

No time for a beer, I suppose.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Chapter 22 Almost Identical to the Big Dipper, Part 5

I waited there for a while, seemingly alone as a cool evening breeze started to toss and sway and bring life to my parking lot vigil.

Halfway through my second beer, I ran my finger along the Corona label, which has always been fascinating to me. Well, the entire bottle is, actually, because most beer makers don't use the clear glass anymore; too many problems with sunlight messing up the quality and taste and such. Apparently, the Corona makers keep their supply in good shade until it's ready to come out, and we all know that the solid cardboard case keeps out light too.

Whatever the case may be (no pun intended), I think the clear bottle makes it taste the way it does and I happen to like it. Maybe you do too.

Now, the Corona name could mean just about anything: from a cigar to a crown to a part of a flower. Some others may have told you they’ve had a spiritual awakening while enjoying a Corona or two.

Or six.

It could be that they’ve taken yet another meaning of Corona a little too seriously, that being the colorful, hazy ring surrounding the sun or the moon. It’s caused by ionized gas and light colliding and it’s quite a beautiful, if not an altogether spiritual experience. You know, St. Elmo’s fire kind of stuff.

But then again, it is just beer.

Regardless, there was no Jesus #2 anywhere in sight, so I rested my head back and shut my eyes, allowing the breeze to dance over me. I listened as the voices of those coming and going overlapped and formed something of a symphony with other night sounds.

And then, there was a whisper.

“Greetings, my child.”

I spun around and looked in every direction, but I was still alone.

“I am here, trust me.”

But he wasn't, really—here, that is. At least I couldn’t see him. How many Coronas had I downed?

“Seek not my face, for I’ve been consecrated.”

Well, he certainly sounded like Jesus, I suppose.

“Is that why I can’t see you?” It came out like a demand, but that was probably the beer talking.

The breeze picked up and swirled in front of me.

“You’ll see me, but not here, for I don’t reside in such places. Yours is not to wonder why, but to follow and know the rituals and rites as set forth by those before you. Only through this may you come to me.”

Huh?

“Well, what if I don’t?”


(I know many who find him that way, and that's great, but if that’s not my bag, was he saying there'd be no chance for us?)

He was silent. It was a deafening silence and I started to feel it on my skin. I was becoming more than a little afraid, and wanted to take back my question. After a painfully long pause, he temporarily broke the tension:


“You’re a fan of Springsteen, aren’t you?”

That was the last thing I expected him to ask.

“Actually, yes, I am.”

The wind whipped up even more and goosebumps appeared on my arms. The tree with the narrow branches and wide leaves started to engulf me, and suddenly I was quite aware of the darkness. I felt the freckles (which are almost identical to the Big Dipper) searing my skin.

“Fear’s a powerful thing, baby.”

He sang it, just like that, and again he sounded pretty good, this whisper and shadow of a Savior.


“Submit yourself to a healthy fear of me, and find your peace only among the brethren, the saints, the priests who will intercede on your behalf. Hold vigil for me, but not here among the commoners.”

That was all it took. Why could anyone at any time come to him then, but not now? Wasn't the most repeated command in the Bible fear not?


So, I resurrected the Jersey chutzpah of my youth, and it seemed serendipitous as I prepared to confront yet another of my childhood misunderstandings about Jesus.

“You forgot the rest. Fear is a powerful thing, but…” (I gave him my best Boss):


“It can turn your heart black you can trust. It’ll take your God-filled soul, and fill it with devils and dust.”

And, just like that, the mini parking-lot-typhoon ended. One thing I do know: however we get to Jesus, whether here or there or anywhere, we shouldn't be afraid.


There was a faint ring of light hovering and mimicking at least one meaning of the beer I was drinking. It was fleeting, though, and not so beautiful. My mini-constellation stopped burning and then, it was just me again, wondering who or what had just spoken to me.

He sounded fine at first, this Jesus impersonator, but then I saw right through him.

Just like the empty bottle I was holding.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Chapter 21 Almost Identical to the Big Dipper, Part 4

Before he even opened his mouth, I knew it couldn’t be him. There was a frown of disapproval hovering over his brow as he approached, and just like that, I was ashamed.

Like maybe I was at a certain kind of church.

“You shouldn’t be drinking beer out in the open like this.”

He didn’t even say “hello.”

“You call yourself a Christian, but child, you must be vigilant about appearances.”

Oh, he was definitely not Jesus.

“One sip is all it takes and you’re on the road toward alcoholism and addiction and a full tearing away of your moral fiber. You do not want people knowing about your weakness in this area.”

As I said, he certainly looked the part of Jesus (or at least what we’ve come to expect of those who represent the house where Jesus is said to reside). He was clean shaven, conservative and wore his collar tight. His shoes were shined and everything about him appeared quite respectable.

Something inside me -- or maybe an accumulation of somethings from my childhood -- made me feel as if I should defer all decisions to his wise counsel.

And he wasn’t joking about the beer.

“I think you need to put that bottle down and come to my office,” he chastised me.

“But..”

He cut me off.

“No buts. Put it down.” He looked over his shoulder. “You never know who is walking out of that store.”

I found it strange that he seemed more concerned about what others might see.

Come to think of it, I’ve literally spent years trying to shake off this image of Jesus, and wouldn't you know, here he was, standing right in front of me. Literally.


So, I finally had a chance to do something about it. But the guy on the motorcycle -- the one who started this whole thing -- well, he neglected to tell me how to get rid of the one who wasn’t; you know, who wasn’t the One.

I blinked hard. Twice.

Nothing.

I stood up and clicked my heels three times.

Still nothing. In fact, the bad-Jesus-candidate started to cluck his tongue and shake his finger at me.

I sat back down and started to count the freckles on the inside of my knee, because obviously nothing was working, so I thought that maybe I’d find the secret in the miniature constellation that’s almost identical to the Big Dipper. I started counting them and yes, you should know, there are seven of them, just like the real one.

And another thing you should know, if you don’t already, is that the Big Dipper is pretty easy to find, so it acts as an amazing guide for star-gazers because it points to other stars and major constellations. And so my very own Big Dipper acted as something of a guide as it pointed directly to the twelve-pack of Coronas sitting on the ground, now an eleven-pack, and I quickly concluded that if this guy wasn’t going to have one, then really, I shouldn't waste time as the rest of the bottles proceeded to get warm (you know, if I was going to be hanging around for a while).

So, I drained the beer I was working on and popped open another one.

Being polite, though, I held it out to him. “I suppose you don’t want one of these, then?”


He spun around in disgust and, I'm embarrassed that I noticed this, but he clenched his butt cheeks as walked away in a very brisk stride. He tilted his head upward and threw his shoulders back and his posture was quite proper. Many people smiled at him and started to say hello. It appeared as if they wanted him to stop and chat and who knows, maybe even receive some kind of comfort (as those like him are wont to offer), but he rushed right past them.

Somehow we’ve made this guy out to look like Jesus, but he wasn’t really acting like him, I didn't think.

I leaned up against the tree and held the cool bottle against the Big Dipper. I couldn’t resist, so I yelled after him, “That’s alright. More for me.”

I smiled and thought that maybe this could be a long night.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Chapter 20 Almost Identical to the Big Dipper, Part 3

Sure enough, over by my car, a man was leaning up against an old motorcycle.

He’s your one condition,” the customer service woman said as she pointed and handed me the 12-pack of Coronas.

A little more information would be nice, I thought.

“That's it?”

“Unfortunately, that's all I know,” she answered.

Surprisingly, I believed her. She went on to explain the man's promise--that whoever brought the beer back could keep it on one condition, and that he'd explain it from there.

“And he's been saying the same thing every year.”

I put the beer under my arm and smiled toward everyone and nodded a sheepish “thanks.” Quite frankly, I had spent enough time with these people and I mostly had thoughts of turning on my heels to find my wife and how we could escape through some back door.


Problem was, real or not, I couldn't reject this bizarre proposal in good conscience. Especially after eleven years of built-up anticipation.

So, I reluctantly exited through the front door. Alone.

I felt all eyes nearly penetrating the back of my head as I slowly approached him. Somehow I needed this to make sense. Of course, being a guy, I excused it as much ado about nothing. I'd play along, sure, but this was just a crazy biker with too much time on his hands.


And some supermarket employees who may or may not exist.

When I arrived, I could see him looking off into the fading colors of the day. The sun was hanging on a bit longer and it was splashing tinges of orange and foaming purple as it submerged into the horizon.

He must have sensed something because he looked back at me over his shoulder. His smile was tired, but honest.

“I was hoping it was you,” he said quietly. “You've been a long time in coming.”

“Yes, so I hear.”

He turned back toward the sunset, apparently encouraging me to do the same. We let the silence build for a little bit. I don't always do so well with it, you know--the pressure of the quiet--so I broke it.

“I really haven't done anything that spectacular. Just brought some beer back inside is all.”

He stood up off the bike and he was tall enough to cast a shadow over me. “It’s not what you’ve done, but what you will do that interests me the most. You have been chosen.”

Chosen or not, you should know that I was just about done with this surreal little existential dream or portal or whatever it was. But, before I could politely excuse myself with some classic fib, he looked down at the beer and asked if I wanted one, which, absolutely, I did. Time and reality may be hanging in the balance, but this shouldn't stop me from enjoying a Corona.

As he reached for it, he explained that he's not from my town, or any town for that matter, though he visits frequently and can be seen here and there. He's a wanderer, but he's always watching and waiting, especially for this moment.

And then, out of the blue, he asked me what I thought about Jesus.

“Uh.. well.” I cleared my throat. “What do I think about Jesus? That's a pretty random question. Why do you ask?”

“Alight. Better yet,” he switched gears, “who do you think Jesus is?”

It seemed like a trick question. I know who Jesus is. Most everyone knows who Jesus is.

“Is this my one condition? Is there a correct answer to this, and if so, do I get to bring the beer home?”

He had big, strong hands, and he put one on my shoulder. “I don't want you to bring the beer home. I want you to stay right here, under this tree with the narrow branches and wide leaves. I want you to share a Corona with some people; four people, to be exact, one at a time. Three won't be Jesus. One will. It's up to you to figure out who the real one is.”

Ok, so now I was looking at my car, quietly planning yet another escape route should I need bolt in a hurry.


But my wife was still in there.

Damn.

I looked down at the freckles on the inside of my left knee, you know, the ones that form a constellation which is almost identical to the Big Dipper? Was I really chosen? Somehow they had started this whole thing and, suffice it to say, I was getting a little freaked out. Who wouldn't be?

Still, as previously mentioned, this wasn't just any ordinary beer.

“So, what do you think?” he asked.

He dug into the front pocket of his jeans and pulled out a bottle opener. He flipped off the cap with one smooth motion and he handed the Corona to me, and it felt good and cold. He tossed the opener to me so I could use it on the next one, boldly presuming that there would be a next one.


None of this was real; so, I guess I could give it a shot.

“Sure, what the hell,” I told him.

I took a long, well deserved sip as he explained that he'd be leaving and right around the time his engine stopped echoing in my ears, the first candidate would arrive.


So, I sat down and watched him go. The last bit of purple on the horizon smoothed into gray as he rode off, and with it, the low rumble of his bike slowly faded to silence.

And then, like clockwork, there he was. Or at least I thought it was him. He looked an awful lot like Jesus as he was walking closer.

But, then again, I suppose anything can happen over a cold Corona.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Chapter 19 Almost Identical to the Big Dipper, Part 2

More people started to gather as the customer service woman explained how all of this began.

“Twelve years ago, a man came into the store. He was an unassuming biker who was traveling through our town, and he laid out specific instructions as to what we were to do. He gave us some money to buy the Coronas the first year, and then he would return the next year to do it all over again. Unfortunately, this became a tradition. We had no way to reach him, but he would always come back, and with each passing year he somehow kept that gleam in his eye, promising us that one day, someone would be honest enough to bring the beer back in.”

The sun was beginning to set behind her and so I was having a little trouble making out the features of her face. I had no idea where my wife was; she should have finished long ago and be very worried, or at the very least, see me up front with all of these people. This story was so strange and surreal that I had to be caught between waking and sleeping.


Maybe I was caught in one of those moments that didn't respect the boundaries of time.

The woman continued on and told me that all of the store employees knew of this tale, one that grew with mystery each year, but they’d been extremely careful not to let it slip out into town for fear of tainting the man’s plan.

“He requested that we do it the same way and at the same time each year, and just like clockwork, we'd always hear the low rumble of his motorcycle afterward. He must watch from a distance, because for eleven years now we’ve seen him slowly circle the parking lot and then ride away.”

So I had to ask. “Well, where is he now?”

They all turned around in unison and pointed toward the tree with the narrow branches and wide leaves.


“He’s outside waiting for you.”

Monday, June 18, 2007

Chapter 18 Almost Identical to the Big Dipper, Part 1

I have a series of freckles that are almost identical to the Big Dipper. They’re on my left knee and I've often wondered if this is a sign, like maybe I’m special or chosen or something stupid like that.

Anyhow, whatever the case may be, I’m pretty proud of my constellation and so the other day I was admiring it while parked under a tree with narrow branches and wide leaves. It was a cool spot in the shade and I thought it quite nice to be there, because it was very hot and I had somehow found it in the midst of an otherwise treeless parking lot.

It was like an oasis.

Various others were coming and going and entering and exiting the supermarket while I waited for my best friend and lover and wife (all wrapped up in one person) to emerge. I wasn't sure what she went in for, but really, it didn’t matter.

I thought that the shade actually had texture on my skin, like it was powdery, if that's even possible. My eyes were getting heavy but before I drifted away completely, I glanced over at the line of shopping carts that were haphazardly crashed into each other and one of them had some beer in the bottom shelf by the wheels. Not just any beer, though; it was a 12-pack of Coronas, bottles of course, because they don’t do cans. At least I don’t think they do.

So, I got out of the car and I walked over and hunched down to look at the beer. They were cold, because the bottles were sweating and I wanted one, even without a lime, though one with a lime would have been a nice bonus.

I waited and turned my head and then my body around in a couple circles, like I was on a caper, checking to see if anyone was coming back for it. Certainly someone would come back. Maybe not for warm Budweisers, but definitely for cold Coronas.

After a few minutes of this, no one came, so I took the booty from the bottom of the cart and my gut was telling me to stash 'em in the trunk of my car, but instead I took them inside. I walked past the pleasant greeter and sidled up to the customer service desk.

The woman behind the counter asked why I was returning the beer. Was there something wrong and did I have a receipt? I smiled at her smugly because I knew I was doing the honorable thing.

“I’m not returning it,” I said. “I found it.”

She looked down at the Coronas.

“You found them. There’s more than one in there, so you found them.”

I thought right then and there that I also found something else: that the customer service desk woman was a smart ass.

“Alright, I found them,” I corrected myself with a glare that wasn’t very nice.

“Where?” she asked.

“In your parking lot. Under a cart. Can I keep them?”

She glared back at me.

“What, like a reward?”

Oh, she was definitely a smart ass.

“Yes, like a reward,” I replied. Even as I said it, I knew I didn't really deserve a reward. Maybe they could give me a coupon for being honest, but I shouldn't get the whole 12-pack.

Nevertheless, she left and went through some back door and trusted me not to have second thoughts and bolt with the cold beer staring at me from the counter. I thought maybe she was checking with a manager about what to do.

I waited for a long time and all the while thought that, really, this shouldn’t have been that difficult. She could have politely refused me, taken the beer and held it behind the counter for some woman to eventually come back in with a receipt (of course it would be a woman) and she'd be panting and frazzled because, when she got home, she'd find her limes but not her Coronas.

And all she wanted was a cold Corona with a sliver of lime.

(I say all of that not because women are forgetful, but because it seems that only women drink Coronas. And me, a guy, who happens to also like them, as in plural.)

Oddly enough, though, that’s not what happened when the customer service woman returned. She came out and she was smiling.

And then she said I could keep the beer.

“I can keep the beer? Really?”

“Yes. On one condition.”

She kept smiling and more people came out from behind, and they were smiling too, and some started clapping. One woman took a picture and I thought that maybe I was dreaming. Then the smart ass explained that each year, they leave a 12-pack of Coronas in the bottom of a cart. They’ve done it for eleven years and for eleven years they’ve watched a person discover the beer, look around the lot, and then take off with it. This is their twelfth attempt and they’ve been waiting all of this time for the one person who would be honest.

And that one person was me.

Then she said, “You must be special or maybe you’re chosen or something stupid like that.”

"Maybe I am.” I thought about telling her that I have a replica of a well known constellation on my knee, but then I assumed she’d probably make fun of me. So I didn't.

Anyhow, there was a strange pause and silence and everyone was staring at me so I looked over my shoulder to see if this was a joke or if maybe even people like me can get punk'd. I reached down and started pinching my Big Dipper to wake up, you know, just in case I really had fallen asleep under the narrow branches with the wide leaves.

But nothing happened. This was real, I think, or at least I haven't woken up yet.

So, I informed her and the small crowd of supermarket employees that I was up for the challenge, I suppose, but obviously needed to know what the one condition was.

As soon as she started talking, I thought that maybe I should have followed my gut and put the abandoned beer in my trunk.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Chapter 17 My Head is All Scrambled

God, I have trouble focusing. My head is all scrambled.

It is because of this that I write.

Somehow, here, I am at peace. Some window is opened, and words are released.

I can concentrate.

So, I offer these words as a prayer:

Help me to be a man after your own heart.

Allow me see life through your eyes today. Please g
ive me ears to hear.

Show me where to walk. Right where you would.

Teach me the best way to comfort those who are hurting and alone. Direct my attention to the downtrodden, so that I can love them and serve them with abandon.


Remind me today (and every day) that it’s all about Jesus.

Simple as that.

Because when I get that, I relax.

I’m easier to be around, and I love better.

The trivial starts to fade away.

I worry less.

I obsess less.

I complain less.

Help me to be the Church; without judgment, criticism or hypocrisy.

Make me more forgiving.

More graceful.

A better listener.

A better friend.

Allow my rhythm to be slower; my pace, enviable.

Remind me that in your eyes, the playing field is leveled. I’m not the star. I’m only as loved as the next one.

But oh, how loved I am.


Amen.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

TRP in the News

I hope to eventually get back to writing .. but, in the mean time, I thought you might like to see a piece that was just in the local news.

Click
here and then choose the "NEW WPTA" video at the top.

peace,

Jeff

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

A Rialto/TRP Update

Many of you have been so gracious to read my ramblings and follow the crazy story of The Reclamation Project's inception and the Rialto's rebirth. Some of you have stuck with me since the beginning of blog #1, which began nearly three years ago.

Well, I'm happy to say that Phase I of the Rialto is now finished (as you can see in these photos).

Already we see God lining up opportunities for this space to be used. This summer we hope to partner with a legal aid clinic called NCLC that operates out of Indianapolis. They want to expand their services to Fort Wayne, so we're discussing the opening of an intake site at the Rialto. NCLC offers free legal aid to low income clients in the realm of immigration law, tenant/landlord disputes, tax issues, housing and other areas where there is a great need within refugee communities.

As you may also know, Fort Wayne is now home to a large population of Darfuri who were forced out of their homeland due to the genocide there. TRP has been privileged to begin discussions with the Darfur Peace and Development Organization as it relates to a potential office share arrangement with them in this newly finished Rialto space.

TRP is nearly done with our rehab project of a house in one of the Rialto's surrounding neighborhoods. As you may recall from other posts, TRP is a CHDO (Community Housing Development Organization), which allows us to receive funding to purchase run down, or shall we say "reasonably priced properties," and through volunteer assistance, equip and rehabilitate these homes for our refugee families. Often refugees arrive here with large families and need more space than the rental units available to them, so we hope to do more of these housing projects in the future, as funding allows.


Lastly, the Circle of Friends program in Fort Wayne continues to offer hope to our new friends and cross cultural appreciation for Americans involved. As can be expected, one of the most crucial resources for international refugees to build a sustainable future is local friendship. Through the Circle of Friends, Fort Wayne residents are connected to newly arriving families with the simple goal of helping them transition well to life here; they assist with various cultural transition points, such as: transportation, financial management, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. Of most importance, a cross cultural relationship is started, which leads toward mutual understanding and long term benefit to both groups and, ultimately, the Fort Wayne community. As you've likely heard before, often it is the American volunteers who find themselves learning more than the refugees they came to serve. Seems like God wants us to remember the level playing field He always had in mind for us.

That's a quick update! Thanks to everyone for your ongoing prayers and words of encouragement.

~ Jeff

P.S. I was able to land a literary agent .. woo hoo! Steve Laube, out of Phoenix is representing me and currently attempting to get a traditional publisher interested in book #1, and while they're at it, hopefully book #2 as well!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Prayer for Hallie

UPDATE (5/7):

She's home!!

She's on quite a few medications to ward off infection, and needs to keep weight on, but hopefully all will remain calm in this sweet little girl's road to recovery.

Once again, I thank you all for your prayers.
Blessings to you and yours..

Jeff

UPDATE (5/1):

Hallie is out of the ICU and is currently in the pediatric ward. The intricate pattern of tubes and IV's are starting to fall away one by one.
Hopefully my next update will be that Hallie is at home with her family!

Biliary Atresia isn't something that can be completely healed, but the surgery she just endured will allow her to lead a mostly normal life. A liver transplant may be necessary in the years ahead.

I'm so grateful for all of you and the time you're taking to pray for this sweet little girl. Thank you!!

UPDATE (4/27):

Each day is better for Hallie! Her temperature is holding steady, kidney function is still good, and she's quietly recovering from her surgeries. She's been opening her eyes from time to time and the Dr.s hope to get her off the ventilator over the weekend.

The power of prayer is undeniable. Thank you for the part you've played (and will hopefully still play) in her ongoing recovery!

UPDATE (4/24):

Thank you SO much for your prayers and your encouraging e-mails. Currently, Hallie is stable. They've been able to get her kidney function under control and her fever has broken, which the doctors were pleased with. She's not out of the woods yet, and so much seems to change at any given moment, so I'd appreciate your ongoing prayers! ~ Jeff


Hey everyone ~

Could you lift up a prayer for my niece Hallie? She's 2 months old and was born with a condition called Biliary Atresia. She needed surgery last week to repair the bile ducts in her liver, and since that time she's needed a second surgery to repair an intestinal kink. I received a call this morning that she's not doing well at all .. kidney function is not where it needs to be.

Any prayers you can offer on Hallie's behalf, as well as my sister Jodi, brother-in-law Jeff and family would be much appreciated.


Please also pass this on to others that you know will pray. I will post updates as I get them.

Blessings, and thanks ~

Jeff