Chapter 28 There's No Other White Like This

I shouldn't wear white to our wedding. This gown should be gray, or ashen. It should be smudged in random places with oily black. Perhaps some color of sin, like scarlet, could be woven in the threads.

Our engagement has been long, and I’ve not been faithful. You know I’ve chosen other lovers. I’ve taunted you, my Groom, and threatened to leave. I’ve flaunted my betrayal in your face while you’ve wept for me. The ring of promise you gave me is tarnished, and the stone, chipped. I’ve taken it off or moved it to another finger more times than I care to remember. Quite often, it just didn’t fit, so I'd replace it with baubles and trinkets.

Of course, over the years, I’ve used your name when it was helpful, to deceive others and advance my cause. I still do, actually. To reveal that I’m betrothed can be quite beneficial, when I want it to be. Especially when those very same others realize who it is I’m going to marry.

You know all of this, but still, you wait, unwavering. My infidelity has been tragic, yet your passion for me has been unrequited. My loyalty has been sporadic, while you remain steadfast.

And here we are, after all of this time. We’ve chosen Christmas for our wedding day. You’ve always said that this age would come to an end, and you were right. The months evolved into generations, and the seasons into epochs. After two thousand years, we’ve come full circle, for this is a time of profound love.

And Love is who you are.

The orchestra has begun and I smell the feast awaiting us. I’m sitting in the back room where I wait nervously, as any bride would. I look down into my lap and I smooth the brilliant white of this silk and satin. There's no other white like this.

You’re not supposed to come and see me, but you do, and you’re smiling. I can’t understand why you haven't given up on me, or why you would want me after all these years; after all I've done.

But yet, somehow, you love me even more, for I am your Church.

~~~

I wake up then, still caught in the grandeur of this expectant dream.

I have matured, and I’ve grown; I've learned from my mistakes. Yes, I know that my eyes still wander. My motives aren’t always pure. I get distracted by unimportant things.

We’ve still a month to go, so I’ve got some time; more time for dreaming and waking. Indeed, I've still some waking up to do.

By Christmas, you'll see. Just you wait and see. I promise that I’ll be Bride you’ve been dreaming of, too.