Chapter 26 Fan this Ember

There is a faint hope worth clinging to; it flickers, against all odds, as a slow burning cinder in an otherwise dark and windowless room.

It can’t be extinguished, not by us. Not by anyone. We know it’s there, in the corner, lighting a small space. Were it not there, death and fear would overtake us.

This hope, this ember, is eternal.

But, still, even while it illuminates the distance, it’s too far; it’s much too far from these tactile, temporary senses of ours. We’re on the other side, allowing our eyes to adjust to the darkness, letting the meager light it gives be all that we need. All that we require.

This hope, such as it is, won’t satisfy like the competing darkness, like momentary folly. In the dark, we’ve learned how to live. I can see an outline of you. You can see an outline of me.

And that’s good enough.

This hope, this goodness – we excuse it because we need it to burn brighter and hotter, and fight for us more tenaciously, white knuckled and impassioned. Otherwise, it’s – well, it’s just there. It's just a little light. Yes, it's a little light of mine, but it's not shining.

Perhaps it can’t be all that we want. Maybe it's not all that it's cracked up to be. Come on, it can’t possibly sustain us and light the path of our scattered thoughts; it can’t brighten our consuming distractions. How could it possibly illuminate our selfish intentions?

Better yet, let's continue to co-exist with these demons, ones who’ve been previously welcomed as some twisted guests of honor. This self of mine is tragic, even criminal at times.

Best you see just a shadow of me.

But maybe, just maybe, if we collectively exhale, we can fan this ember into a flame. Maybe even more than a flame. Could it rage, engulf and consume our wickedness? Could we then see each other for who we really are?

I, for one, would like that, I think.

Yes, this hope must burn brighter. Hotter. It has to, because I need to know that someday, I won’t be selfish anymore.

And you won’t use such harsh words.

I won’t lose my temper.

And you won’t be critical of my dreams.

I won’t withhold love.

And you won’t manipulate me.

I won’t sneak away and keep harmful secrets.

You won’t judge me if I finally share those secrets.

I won’t look for a quick fix.

You won’t pretend that you know it all.

Together we won’t seek out coping devices to disguise our insecurities, our fears, our inadequacies.

This all makes sense!

Yes, this hope must burn with an intensity, such that shadows can’t creep in. Look at me full and exposed, and let me see you too!

This is a hope worth clinging to.